Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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