Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
