He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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