I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
