Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
