He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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