The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
you had me at cake vodka
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
