Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
We had to coat check the pizza.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
