so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
