i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
