You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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