So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
