I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Im part way to drunk.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Randomize
