Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Randomize
