I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
