he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
