If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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