There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
