I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
