These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
