I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
