He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize
