turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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