k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
