The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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