For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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