is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I made him laugh his dick is mine
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
