Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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