Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
