no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
