dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
