I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
organizing the empties. That sober.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
She needs sedatives and a leash
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
We're too hungover to prance.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Randomize
