i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
