shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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