whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
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