the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
