Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
