Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
