singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
