A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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