Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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