another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
