I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
