dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
