my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
