Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I have aggressive nipples.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
