Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
