My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
