I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
