ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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