I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
