and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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