If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
