so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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