3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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