i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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